Saturday, January 7, 2012

tracks

i)

first sound was the train
now there is just
white snow silence

ii)

mice tracks
tiny by the tree

rabbit tracks
big and bounding

fox tracks
tight on the hunting trail

monk tracks
weird robe swirls

21 comments:

  1. Some people think better when they move. Kierkegaard enjoyed long walks, he cleared his ideas while walking.

    It's good that we all leave tracks on earth, proof we've been to places and experienced life out of our comfort zones.

    xo

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  2. nice...the train tracks are my fav...the sounds of them....nice progression through the tracks though...get ahold of tht robe before the wind gets it...smiles.

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  3. Old Ollie,

    There is a great degree of placidity, obvious from the silent steps of the monk and the swirlling movement of his robes.

    Happy New Year,
    Eileen :)

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  4. the tracks both evidence and transience. nothing is forever but the snow white silence:)

    gorgeous, ollie.))

    xo
    erin

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  5. seriously makes me wanna wear a robe.
    mine might be more hermione granger-ish, though :)

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  6. Love the various tracks, mice, bunnies and monk's robes. Perfection!

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  7. 'white snow silence' - I'll just let us enjoy it.

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  8. white snow silence - love that - hoping we get some soon. Monk robe swirls - fabulous

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  9. I enjoyed following your tracks..how creative to think of Monk robe swirls

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  10. This is exquisitely written.. Wow! you found just the right number of words and careful phrases to crystallize these images in the reader's mind. Just wonderful.

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  11. I think Kerry summed up your work perfectly there - you pick the right words, the right number of them and the right structure - and it all works so well - "first sound was the train
    now there is just
    white snow silence" - great write!

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  12. Beautiful... I agree with what's already been said.

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  13. Enjoyed this. Can add nothing much. Each stanza builds. Not one word too many or too few.

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  14. Short but encompassing lines..Nice one ~

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  15. I love this~so visual. I can just see those monk robe swirls.

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  16. Great set of tracks here; I like the movement through the poem.

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  17. Yes, your structure and word choices are stellar, but I found your choice to put these stanza's together the most interesting aspect of the this piece. Good poetry often knows what to leave out.

    You've given your reader the image of a train, then silence, and then a monk walking about in his robes. There are many stories happening there. You let the reader fill in the rest. great write, and thanks for posting it.

    viva la

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  18. It's amazing how monks get to have their robes in a twirl. Must have been active souls!

    Hank

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  19. I am immediately put in mind of one of my favourite Canadian poems: "Arrivals" by Earle Birney. Excellent piece, Ollie.

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  20. Nice. The journey of life, the search. We all leave tracks.

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