nice...the train tracks are my fav...the sounds of them....nice progression through the tracks though...get ahold of tht robe before the wind gets it...smiles.
This is exquisitely written.. Wow! you found just the right number of words and careful phrases to crystallize these images in the reader's mind. Just wonderful.
I think Kerry summed up your work perfectly there - you pick the right words, the right number of them and the right structure - and it all works so well - "first sound was the train now there is just white snow silence" - great write!
Yes, your structure and word choices are stellar, but I found your choice to put these stanza's together the most interesting aspect of the this piece. Good poetry often knows what to leave out.
You've given your reader the image of a train, then silence, and then a monk walking about in his robes. There are many stories happening there. You let the reader fill in the rest. great write, and thanks for posting it.
Some people think better when they move. Kierkegaard enjoyed long walks, he cleared his ideas while walking.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that we all leave tracks on earth, proof we've been to places and experienced life out of our comfort zones.
xo
I must agree with Kenia!...
ReplyDeleteJJRod'z
nice...the train tracks are my fav...the sounds of them....nice progression through the tracks though...get ahold of tht robe before the wind gets it...smiles.
ReplyDeleteOld Ollie,
ReplyDeleteThere is a great degree of placidity, obvious from the silent steps of the monk and the swirlling movement of his robes.
Happy New Year,
Eileen :)
the tracks both evidence and transience. nothing is forever but the snow white silence:)
ReplyDeletegorgeous, ollie.))
xo
erin
seriously makes me wanna wear a robe.
ReplyDeletemine might be more hermione granger-ish, though :)
Love the various tracks, mice, bunnies and monk's robes. Perfection!
ReplyDelete'white snow silence' - I'll just let us enjoy it.
ReplyDeletewhite snow silence - love that - hoping we get some soon. Monk robe swirls - fabulous
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed following your tracks..how creative to think of Monk robe swirls
ReplyDeleteThis is exquisitely written.. Wow! you found just the right number of words and careful phrases to crystallize these images in the reader's mind. Just wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI think Kerry summed up your work perfectly there - you pick the right words, the right number of them and the right structure - and it all works so well - "first sound was the train
ReplyDeletenow there is just
white snow silence" - great write!
Beautiful... I agree with what's already been said.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed this. Can add nothing much. Each stanza builds. Not one word too many or too few.
ReplyDeleteShort but encompassing lines..Nice one ~
ReplyDeleteI love this~so visual. I can just see those monk robe swirls.
ReplyDeleteGreat set of tracks here; I like the movement through the poem.
ReplyDeleteYes, your structure and word choices are stellar, but I found your choice to put these stanza's together the most interesting aspect of the this piece. Good poetry often knows what to leave out.
ReplyDeleteYou've given your reader the image of a train, then silence, and then a monk walking about in his robes. There are many stories happening there. You let the reader fill in the rest. great write, and thanks for posting it.
viva la
It's amazing how monks get to have their robes in a twirl. Must have been active souls!
ReplyDeleteHank
I am immediately put in mind of one of my favourite Canadian poems: "Arrivals" by Earle Birney. Excellent piece, Ollie.
ReplyDeleteNice. The journey of life, the search. We all leave tracks.
ReplyDelete