Thursday, September 10, 2015

Redemption 6

i)

fists are flying
darting out
over smoke puffs
and fury

gym teacher whistle
slices through the taunts

  crowd scatters

hides


ii)

alone
post fight rest
writing
bleeding hand poems

18 comments:

  1. "writing bleeding hand poems" - yes, this sounds like school.

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  2. You have given us another view of 'school' here!

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  3. Such a vivid depiction of the experiences of school life.. I like the closing.. it sets the mood. Have a nice weekend!

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  4. " crowd scatters

    hides"...haha..well captivated

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  5. Oh.. I know what part of school I don't miss.. Though I love poem that bleeds.

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  6. writing
    bleeding hand poems


    i so relate to this.... well done

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  7. that whistle sliced through many a crowd when i was in school...loved the ending image.

    Donna@LivingFromHappiness

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  8. I remember fights in school everyone would come to watch and I always wondered why? Then a teacher would come and everyone would run.

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  9. When I was a child this happened a lot but now they lock down every thing if there's a fight.

    I could see it.

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  10. How quickly it can happen! Great finale.

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  11. Writing is the best revenge - although it is hard to see that when PE is on the timetable

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  12. playground adolescent banters and 'boys will be boys'

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  13. It was playful nothing serious. They licked their wounds after that and became friends again. Writing would follow for some. Seen this before!

    Hank.

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  14. Friends again soon after. Playground scrapes are good fodder for writing though.

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  15. I like the closing line ~ bleeding hand poems ~ literally & metaphorically :)

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  16. I really like the contrast between the two stanzas: action vs. alone and resting.

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  17. Everyone enjoys a fight in school,
    it breaks the day up. I am glad you have writing as an outlet
    for all the pain afterwards. FIghting is not he best
    way but if you cant protect yourself you
    are easy prey.

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  18. this was a short, mid-violent, lovely write! i enjoyed it! really!

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