Tuesday, April 26, 2011

on the pitch

on the pitch
novices smash
muscle and blood
in the steady rain

jerseys tear
throaty yells echo

sweat and rattled teeth

a try

16 comments:

  1. jerseys tear...the teaming of monks - whose team chants louder and longer....bkm

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  2. Good one, Ollie! Can hear the throaty yells and rattly teeth!!!!

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  3. Yeah,there's only one contest, really, whatever color the jerseys.

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  4. What I enjoy about your minimalist style is that you provide a guideline for the scene and allow me to fill in the rest, much like how a movie script is a wire frame that a director can flesh out.

    Good job!

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  5. you captured the fierce beauty of that moment of man unleashed....

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  6. That's the way--rough and tough. Excellent OSW!

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  7. i can feel adrenaline rush... great piece!

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  8. A great game this is, played by the toughest monks. Good description Olie.

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  9. Ya load sixteen tons, and whaddya get...

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  10. Love this very effective short verse that tells an entire story! Great.

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  11. just love it - all the power of scrummage and run and tackle and try captured in so few words.

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  12. "You do, or you do not... there is no try."
    - Mr. Miyagi, "The Karate Kid" (the original)

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  13. love the whole piece by the last line especially: "a try"

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  14. Having stood on a rugby game touch line with November mists and chill for company, this scene was called up by the words and felt in the memory

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  15. So much imagery of the game in so few words, well done.

    Anita.

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  16. i agree with so many of the comments before mine -- a few words, and yet, an entire story.

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Thanks for helping with the development of Olsonomics.